WHAT IF PEOPLE BOUGHT CARS LIKE THEY BOUGHT COMPUTERS?

General Motors doesn't have a help line for people who don't know
how to drive, becuase people don't buy cars like they buy computers--

but imagine if they did...

HELPLINE: "General Motors helpline, How can I help you?
CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door and nothing happened.
"
HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"
CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"
HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery
           and turns over the engine."
CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know
           all these technical terms just to use my car?"

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HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week and now it won't go anywhere!"
HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"
CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?"
HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel that has
markings
           from E-F, Where is the needle pointing?"
CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to E, what does that mean?"
HELPLINE: "It means you have to visit a gasoline vendor and purchase
some
           more gasoline. You can install it yourself or pay the
vendor to
           install it for you."
CUSTOMER: "Wait! I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I
have
           to buy more components?  I want a car that comes with
everything
           built in!"

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HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "YOUR CARS STINK!!"
HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"
CUSTOMER: "It Crashed! That's what's wrong!"
HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"
CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal
all
           of the way to the floor.  It worked for a while, and then
it just
           crashed and now it won't start."
HELPLINE: "It is your responsibility if you misuse the product. What
do
           you expect us to do about it?"
CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me the lastest version that doesn't
crash!"

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HELPLINE: "General Motors Helpline, How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
because
           it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power
steering,
           power brakes and power door locks."
HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car, How can I help you?"
CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"
HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"
CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what? I am not a technical person, I just
want
           to go places in my car!"

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