GENERATION X AND THEIR OFFICE LINGO Blamestorming - sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible Body Nazis - hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn't work out obsessively Chainsaw consultant - an outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands Cube farm - an office filled with cubicles Ego surfing - scanning the Net, databases, print media, and so on, looking for references to one's own name Elvis year - the peak year of something's popularity -- Barney the dinosaur's Elvis year was 1993. 404 - someone who is clueless, from the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found", meaning the requested document couldn't be located -- Don't bother asking him, he's 404. Idea hamsters - people who always seem to have their idea generators running Mouse potato - the on-line generation's answer to the couch potato Ohnosecond - that minuscule fraction of time in which you realize you've just made a big mistake Prairie dogging - something loud happens in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on SITCOM - stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage Stress puppy - a person who thrives on being stressed-out and whiny Telestorming - calling others to discuss why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible Tourists - those who take training classes just to take a vacation from their jobs -- "We had three serious students in the class; the rest were tourists." Uninstalled - euphemism for being fired Xerox subsidy - euphemism for swiping free photocopies from a workplace Beepilepsy - The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence. Mouse potato - the on-line generation's answer to the couch potato. CLM (Career-Limiting Move) - Used among microserfs to describe an ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. Stress puppy - a person who thrives on being stressed-out and whiny. Dilberted - To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. "I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week." CGI Joe - A hard-core CGI script programmer with all the social skills and charisma of a plastic action figure. Dorito Syndrome - Feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction triggered by addictive substances that lack nutritional content. "I just spent six hours surfing the Web, and now I've got a bad case of Dorito Syndrome Under Mouse Arrest - Getting busted for violating an on-line service's rule of conduct. "Sorry I couldn't get back to you. AOL put me under mouse arrest." Glazing - Corporate-speak for sleeping with your eyes open. A popular pastime at conferences and early-morning meetings. "Didn't he notice that half the room was glazing by the second session?" Dead Tree Edition - The paper version of a publication available in both paper and electronic forms, as in: "The dead tree edition of the San Francisco Chronicle..." Graybar Land - The place you go while you're staring at a computer that's processing something very slowly (while you watch the gray bar creep across the screen). "I was in graybar land for what seemed like hours, thanks to that CAD rendering." Open-Collar Workers - People who work at home or telecommute. Squirt The Bird - To transmit a signal up to a satellite. "Crew and talent are ready...what time do we squirt the bird?" Brain Gas - A byproduct of a bloated mind producing information effortlessly. A burst of useful information. "I know you're busy on the Microsoft story, but can you give us brain gas on the Mitnik bust?" Variation of old hacker slang that had more negative connotations. Cobweb Site - A World Wide Web Site that hasn't been updated for a long time. A dead web page. It's a Feature - From the adage "It's not a bug, it's a feature." Used sarcastically to describe an unpleasant experience that you wish to gloss over. Keyboard Plaque - The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards. "Are there any other terminals I can use? This one has a bad case of keyboard plaque." Alpha Geek - The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry(or Lanny?), he's the alpha geek around here." Adminisphere - The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. Gray Matter - Older, experienced business people hired by young entrepreneurial firms looking to appear more reputable and established. Salmon Day - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to die in the end. Starter Marriage: A short-lived first marriage that ends in a divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets. Swiped Out: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. Going Postal: Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages. Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. Chips and Salsa: Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa." Dancing Baloney: Little animated GIFs and other Web F/X that are useless and serve simply to impress clients. "This page is kinda dull. Maybe a little dancing baloney will help." Depotphobia: Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience Shackophobia. Flight Risk: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon. GOOD Job: A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" job. A well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again. Irritainment: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. Midair Passenger Exchange: Grim air-traffic-controller-speak for a head-on collision. Midair passenger exchanges are quickly followed by "aluminum rain." PEBCAK: Tech support shorthand for "Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard." (Techies are a frustrated, often arrogant lot. They've submitted numerous acronyms and terms that poke fun at the clueless users who call them up with frighteningly stupid questions. Another variation on the above is ID10T: "This guy has an ID-Ten-T on his system.") Percussive Maintenance: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits over everything and then leaves. Square-headed Girlfriend: Another word for a computer. The victim of a square-headed girlfriend is a "computer widow." Telephone Number Salary: A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits. Uninstalled: Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." See also Decruitment. Vulcan Nerve Pinch: The taxing hand position required to reach all of the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key. Yuppie Food Stamps: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."