The following parody of an IBM announcement letter is submitted as evidence that IBM *can* laugh at itself. The author, Jerry Feinman, is the product manager for MVS. He is well-known at SHARE for sawing paddles in two, telling Karnak jokes, and wearing an Amdahl T-shirt. While the users don't always agree with the IBM policies he supports, he has been a valuable member of the SHARE community. This "announcement" gives a good idea of his sense of humor. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= cut here =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= **** AUGUST 1985 **** **** SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT **** **** By Jerry Feinman **** Introduction ------------ In recognition of SHARE's 30th Anniversary IBM has designed a computing system and a companion operating system which almost meets the needs stated by SHARE in 30 years of submitting requirements to IBM. General Overview ---------------- Due to the rapid advancement in space age technologies, there has been a major breakthrough in the development of computing, personal, impersonal and almost user friendly. The 4391 model 220 has been developed using the latest techniques in circuit design to provide the user community with a computer to meet the needs of everyone. A small team of 8,972 highly trained people, 7 turkeys and 3 bears have designed the 4391 with their satisfaction as the ultimate goal for the end user. Some of the new technologies used in the 4391 design are: 1. Use of large and small bubble memory, both hard and soft bubbles. 2. Extensive use of microfiche, microwave, and microscopes. 3. Stacked memory chips, salted, unsalted, and taco flavored. 4. Use of red, white, and blue laser beams. 5. Looped fiber optics for data transfer. 6. Write only storage for enhanced data security. 7. Write storage only once for enhanced data integrity. 8. Self contained semi fail safe nuclear power supply. ********************************************* * NOT IBM CONFIDENTIAL UNTIL ANNOUNCEMENT * * FOR USE BY UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY * ********************************************* The use of the new hardware technology has made it necessary to completely redesign the operating system and communications architecture. The major components of the operating system for the 4391 are: 1. LSM - Limitless Storage Manager 2. TOSS - Task Oriented Scheduling Supervisor 3. HART - Heuristic Algorithmic Resource Timer 4. MLMS - Multi Lingual Management Service 5. OOPS - On Line Outboard Position Sensor 6. SENS - Ssystem Event Notification Services 7. SLIP - Somewhat Limited Interrupt Processor 8. POOP - Print Only On Platen 9. R4 - Rarely Right Recovery Routines 10. NECP - Never Ending Channel Program 11. NERDS - Never Ending Recording Data Set 12. REPAIR - Remote Engineering Programming Alert Interface Routines These components will be summarized in more detail later. The new operating system architecture allows the 4391 to provide the ultimate in personalized computing because of its ability to be sensitive to the environment or change it as required. 1. Limitless Storage Manager (LSM) The concepts employed in the Limitless Storage Manager (LSM) have eliminated the need for auxiliary storage, I/O devices, DASD, and tape thus eliminating all real, potential, or virtual bottlenecks. Of course one tape at 200 BPI is required for distribution and service from PID. Bubble memory provides 16 ** 872 megabytes of real addressable storage. The requirement for virtual storage is eliminated. 2. Task Oriented Scheduling Supervisor (TOSS) The Task Oriented Scheduling Supervisor (TOSS) handles the processing of all events and interrupts both real and imaginary. A subtask known as punt resolves all conflicting events. ********************************************* * NOT IBM CONFIDENTIAL UNTIL ANNOUNCEMENT * * FOR USE BY UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY * ********************************************* 3. Heuristic Algorithm Resource Timer (HART) The Heuristic Algorithm Resource Timer (HART) controls the pulse rate of the system. HART provides equitable event processing and allows end user intervention via loud and soft voice communications. Pacemaker control procedures have been incorporated to prevent HART failure. 4. Multi-Lingual Management Service (MLMS) A Multi-Lingual Management Service (MLMS) is provided. Languages supported include English, Canadian (pronounced Kanajian A) and Yiddish. Here, in the U.S., English is limited to words of less than 8 letters, with no more than 3 vowels or 3 syllables. The 4391 has an extensive Management Service (MS) component. However, since it is a well known fact that system programmers have no interest in management and management could not possibly understand the level of complexity present in management services we will not discuss management services any further. 5. On Line Outboard Position Sensor (OOPS) The On-Line Outboard Position Sensor (OOPS) has been designed with the utilization of multiple, real, virtual and semi-soft access methods in mind. It utilizes a new mobieus loop technique so never-ending records can be sensed. A multi OOPS methodology enables a user to introduce outboard problems to keep the 4391 busy. 6. System Event Notification Service (SENS) The System Event Notification Services (SNES) is the communications mechanism of the 4391. It can receive male and female voice commands, both loud and soft. A PRPQ is available for screams in excess of 98 decibels. All voice responses from the 4391 will be in a softly sensuous voice. Male of Female may be specified as an installation option. Future releases will support multiprocessors through the use of common SENS. 7. Somewhat Limited Interrupt Processor (SLIP) The Somewhat Limited Interrupt Processor is designed to handle 98% of the system interrupts. During periods of high system utilization, defined as more than 22.5% utilization of the processor, SLIP will automatically discard additional interrupts to maintain a lower utilization. ********************************************* * NOT IBM CONFIDENTIAL UNTIL ANNOUNCEMENT * * FOR USE BY UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY * ********************************************* 8. Print Only On Platen (POOP) The Print Only on Platen (POOP) command is designed for the conservation-oriented person. Its use will enable significant savings in paper. Remember, POOPing all day keeps the chain saw away. A special Non Rotate (NR) feature is also available to be used in conjunction with POOP. The NR feature enhances the security of the system by ensuring that the platen does not rotate during print operations. 9. Rarely Right Recovery Routines (R4) Due to high expectations on system reliability little effort has been expended on recovery routines. Recovery routines have been provided for only the least important system failures. Since they are the least important failures it makes little difference if the recovery routines work. The recovery routines have not been tested, therefore, we expect them to be rarely right. 10. Never Ending Channel Program (NECP) The Never Ending Channel Program (NECP) was designed to ensure that if any I/O devices were connected to the 4391 the processing speed of the 4391 would not be affected by undesirable interrupts. NECP provides the ability for all I/O to be in continuous operation, busy doing nothing the whole day through. It is especially effrective when used in conjunction with the Print Only On Platen command. 11. Never Ending Recording Data Set (NERDS) The Never Ending Recording Data Set (NERDS) logs all activities performed by the 4391 since initial installation. It can be used to restart the 4391 following HART failure. The time required to execute restart from NERDS will not exceed total run time to failure by more than 10%. It should be noted that NERDS and NECP are mutually exclusive. NERDS is available as EC 0001 on the CBT mods tape. Do not contact IBM for this EC. 12. Remote Engineering Programming Alert Interface Routines (REPAIR) The Remote Engineering Programming Alert Interface Routines (REPAIR) replace existing unsympathetic service components such as DSS, IPCS, SMP, etc. All IBM service, hardware and software will be done remotely using the new Telapathic Access Method (TAM). The Failure to Repair Module (FRR), when encountering a non-recoverable severity 1 problem will issue a self-destruct command. This is why the self-contained nuclear power supply is semi fail safe. ********************************************* * NOT IBM CONFIDENTIAL UNTIL ANNOUNCEMENT * * FOR USE BY UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY * ********************************************* 13. The self-contained nuclear power supply is capable of sustaining operations for 50 years or the year 2000, whichever comes first. A special cooling system utilizing 120 proof alcohol is required. An RPQ providing a self- tapping spigot and a 20 gallon reserve tank is available. For colder climates a 40 gallon tank is available. Publications ------------ Clear, concise documentation, at the 6th year reading level, suitable for the average systems programmer will be provided almost concurrent with availability. Physical Planning ----------------- The 4391 has been asynchronously balanced. This means that no matter how it is positioned on the floor it will rock. This enables the components and connnections to be continuously checked for tightness by rocking the system. A 24-hour timer is provided to enable the 4391 to rock around the clock. Program Service --------------- Since we do not expect any software errors no provision has been made for servicing the 4391 operating system. Any errors found are obviously the result of user code which should be deleted immediately. Program Material ---------------- The 4301 operating system will be provided as virtual code only (VCO). Source and object code will not be available. All publications will be imaginary. Software Distribution --------------------- Software for the 4391 will be distributed by system components, each of which must be ordered separately and will be shipped on as many 200 BPI disposable tape reels as required. A random number generator will be utilized to generate feature codes. Software Manufacturing, in its infinite wisdom, has decided that the 4391 software will not be supported by CBIPO and since the code will be error free there is obviously no need for support by CBPDO. ********************************************* * NOT IBM CONFIDENTIAL UNTIL ANNOUNCEMENT * * FOR USE BY UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY * ********************************************* Terms and Conditions -------------------- Firm order agreements are required; speculative orders will not be taken. Firm schedule dates will be rescheduled at least twice prior to delivery. SHARE Requirements ------------------ Due to the optimal design of the 4391 any requirements from SHARE based upon this announcement, if accepted, will get the response of "rejected with prejudice" or "under study for future rejection". Performance Considerations -------------------------- Performance improvements are achieved by limiting TSO to trivial commands only. This is not necessary with CMS since all its commands are trivial to begin with. The 4391 will be able to run up to 3-1/2 virtual machines. Relative Virtual Throughput (RVT) measurements will be provided within one year following withdrawal of the 4391. Statement of Intent ------------------- The 4391 will be withdrawn concurrent with initial availability. The possibility does exist that we will announce its replacement prior to withdrawal. If so priority will be given to those accounts which have ordered the 4391. Planning Information -------------------- The 4391 is available in a wide variety of color selections. These include IBM blue, IBM blue, and IBM blue. Summary ------- the 4391 is the complete computing system for everyone's personalized, impersonalized, and specifically generalized computing needs. I urge you all to rush to your nearest sales office and order one immediately. Phone in orders will not be taken. Special sales offices have been conveniently located in cities no less than 500 miles from your office. Also please be sure to mention my name when you place your order. It will entitle you to a free Jerry Feinman button and will entitle me to a commission communsurate with the value of the 4391. ********************************************* * NOT IBM CONFIDENTIAL UNTIL ANNOUNCEMENT * * FOR USE BY UNAUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY * *********************************************