What the letters IBM really stand for: -- The name "International Business Machines", carefully considered, helps explain many things that might otherwise seem puzzling: - when contemplating the 640K architectural limit on PC memory - when studying the 370/ESA(tm) architecture - when attempting to use MVS/TSO(tm) Remember: in "IBM", "Business" comes before "Machines" -- In Mike Cowlishaw's "IBM Dictionary", the entry for IBM reads as follows: IBM, n. 1. Acronym for the name of a certain large Corporation. 2. A hypothetical 370 instruction, existence strongly suspected but not yet proven: "Insert Bug under Mask". 3. Immense Blue Mountain/Monolith. 4. "I've Been Moved", alluding to the favourite game of departmental and divisional reorganisations. 5. "It's Better Manually" 6. Hudson River Valley Works (much of that valley, in New York State, is owned by IBM). I Became Macintosh I Blame Microsoft I Been hipMotized I Beg Mercy I Believe in Marketing I Bite Mammaries I Blame Microsoft I Bought Macintosh I Bowel Move [0] I Built a Macintosh I'll Buy Macintosh I'll Buy More I'm Becoming Macintosh I'm Being Mobbedwithwhatdoesibmstandforanswers I'm Being Moved I'm Buying Messes I'm Buying a Macintosh I've Been Managed I've Been Misled I've Been Molested I've Been Moved I've Been Mugged I've Been Munged I've Been to a Meeting Ich Beuge Mich [1] Ich Bin Muede [2] Ichthy Brained Machine [3] Icky Blue Machines Iconoclastic Bilateral Monopoly Iddy Biddy Machine Identical Blue Men Idiotic Bull Meter Idiotic Bit Masher Idiots Become Managers Idiots Bought Me Idiots Built Me Idiots Bumblers and Morons Idiots' Bewilderment Machines Idolized By Morons Ignatz Baines Minx Ignite Blowtorch Mercilessly Ignorant Buttfucking Morons Illustrative of Bad Marketing Imitation Burroughs Machine Immense Bins of Money Immense Blue Monolith Immense Blue Mountain Immense Bowel Movement Immense Bucket of Manure Imperialism By Marketing Impractical But Marketable Imprecise Binary Math In Bleakest Mordor [4] In Business for Money In a Befuddled Manner Incest Breeds Morons Incompatible Business Machines Incontinent Bowel Movement Incorruptible Brotherhood of Machines Increasingly Becoming Moot Incredible Bowel Movement Incredible Bunch of Muffinheads Incredible Bundles of Money Incredibly Belligerent Mossbacks Incredibly Big Machine Incredibly Big Monopoly Incredibly Boastful Mouths Incredibly Boring Machine Incredibly Boring Machines Incredibly Brilliant Marketing Incredibly Broad Marketing Indecision Breeds Mistakes Industry's Biggest Mistake Inefficient But Marketable Inept Bull Meter Inert Blue Monoliths Inevitably Bad Marketing Inferior But Marketable Infernal Brotherhood of Morons Ifs Buts Maybes Inherently Bogus Measurements Insert Bug under Mask Insidious Black Magic Insidious Byte Muncher Insipid Brainless Monster Insolence Breeds Mediocrity Install Bigger Memory Install Bigger Machine Installed By Masochists Installed By Mistake Institute of Black Magic Institute of Broken Minds Insufficient Batch Machines Integrated Bad Manners Integrated Buzzword Manufacturing Intel Beat Motorola Intelligent Branch of Mafia Intelligent Bull Meter Intensely Boring Machines Intentionally Braindamaged Machinery Interactive Batch Machines Interactive Boot Machines Intercourse Beats Masturbation Intergalactic Brotherhood of Muthaf**kas Internal Bowel Movement Internal Bureaucratic Mess International Ballistic Missiles International Big Mother International Big Mouth International Brain Machines International Brotherhood of Magicians [5] International Bubblegum Machines International Bullshit Merchants International Bureaucracy Merchants International Business Machines [6] International Business Manipulators International Buttocks Manipulators Into a Bottomless Morass Intolerant of Beards and Mustaches Intrepid Bureaucratic Madness Intshala Bacara Malesh [7] Involuntary Bowel Movement Iron Behemoth Makers Iron Brain Masters Irresistable By Management Isn't Blasphemy Macabre It Barely Moves It Beats Mattel It Broke Me It's Backwards Man It's Been Malfunctioning It's Being Masochistic It's Being Mended It's Better Manually It's Big Money It's Black Magic It's Blue Magic It's Boeing's Money [8] It's Boring Me It's Broken Mommy It's Broken Mostly It's Busted Man It's a Big Machine It's a Blue Monolith It's the Blooper Mobile It'sa Blue Mangler Italian Branch of the Mafia Italian Business Men Itsy Bitsy Machine Itsy Bitsy Machines Itty Bitty Machine Itty Bitty Machines Itty Bitty Manuals Itty Bitty Minds Itty Bitty Monopoly Itty Bitty Morons ----- [0] From "When Harley was One...", the original poem generated by the AI entity Harley. [1] German for "I'm bending over". [2] German for "I am tired". [3] Ichthy meaning fish. [4] From Tolkkien probably through Led Zepplin. [5] This is a real organization who, undoubtably, do not want to be associated with the "computer" company. [6] Unlikely. [7] Arabic for "God willing, it may happen tomorrow, perhaps". [8] Aparently, Boeing is one of IBM's largest customers. ----- Apoligies in advance for any mistakes or omissions. CONTRIBUTERS: "ray whidden" 01ksdavis@bsu-ucs.uucp Charlie_Gibbs@mindlink.bc.ca (Charlie Gibbs) ChazL@county.lmt.mn.org (Chaz Larson) Doug.Landauer@Eng.Sun.COM (Doug Landauer) Frank Stuart ICJPS@ASUVM.INRE.ASU.EDU IQTI400@INDYCMS.IUPUI.EDU (macphil) James Petts John G Dobnick Volker.Kaechele@quattro.stgt.sub.org (Volker Kaechele) ae@sei.cmu.edu (Arthur Evans) alanb@sdl.mdcbbs.com (Alan Braggins) bruno@broue.rot.qc.ca (Bruno Majewski) christo@bcarh803.BNR.CA (Mark Christopher) chuck@cco.caltech.edu (Charles M. Higgins) alanf@eng.tridom.com (Alan Fleming) deand@bcarh823.BNR.CA (Dean Dillabough) ecmtwhk@ccu1.aukuni.ac.nz (Thomas Koenig) edcrwfrd@unlv.edu (Edward Crawford) gurgle@netcom.com (Pete Gontier) hugh_davies.wgc1@rx.xerox.com ibmpa!obelix.ncs.mainz.ibm.com!fuzzy@ibminet.awdpa.ibm.com (Thomas Braunbeck) jgd@csd4.csd.uwm.edu (John G Dobnick) jlaiho@ichaos.nullnet.fi (Juha Laiho) john@newave.mn.org (John A. Weeks III) jones@pyrite.cs.uiowa.edu (Douglas W. Jones,201H MLH,3193350740,3193382879) lasner@watsun.cc.columbia.edu (Charles Lasner) lorc!lowen@apple.com (Lamar Owen) lstowell@pyrnova.mis.pyramid.com (Lon Stowell) olt@elwood.isgs.uiuc.edu (Scott Olt) pdt@munta.cs.mu.OZ.AU (Peter David THOMPSON) peter@taronga.com (Peter da Silva) pgut1@cs.aukuni.ac.nz (Peter Gutmann) ray@nmsb.larc.nasa.gov richg@hatch.socal.com (Rich Greenberg) rupert@europa.inmos.co.uk (Rupert Pigott (PFUE)) saustin@bbn.com (Steve Austin) smiley@akasha.eng.hou.compaq.com (Colin Smiley) terry@spcvxb.spc.edu (Terry Kennedy, Operations Mgr.) trip@cco.caltech.edu (Trip) vargish@sura.net (Nick Vargish) wcsjc@alfred.carleton.ca (John Coughlin) zcookbruc@cc.curtin.edu.au Also: MVS: Mine's Very Slow MVS: Man vs. System TSO: Time Spending Option MVS/TSO: Multiple Virtual Snails/Transient Snail Option CAD/CAM: Computer Aided Disaster/Computer Assisted Mayhem How about HP: Habitual Penury Hackneyed Placebo Hairy Prig Halfhearted Plagiarist Halibut Performance Hallucinate Phantasy Haphazard Primitive Hardboiled Pervert Hardworking Profundity Hatchet Psychopath Hateful Phobia Haughty Puppet Hazardous Philosophy Hazelnut Pie Hazy Photograph Hearty Portrayal Heavyweight Paperweight Hectic Porcupine Hedgehog Puddle Hefty Potato Hellish Posterior Hemorrhoid Provocateur Hereditary Poseur Heretical Potpourri Hereunder Po Hermaprodite Piano Herring Poisson Hesitant Pig Hibernating Parrot Hick Puzzle Hidebound Pinhead Hideous Paradigm Hieroglyphic Pancake Hifalutin Pigeon High Priced Hindmost Patsy Hippopotamus Prophylactic Hiroshima Payoff Hodge-Podge Homesick Parakeet Homicidal Poodle Homosexual Powderpuff Honorary Penguin Hopeless Plonker Horny Possum Horrible Phenomenon Howdy Partner Huckleberry Pudding Huckster Pincushion Humpback Purgatory Hungarian Pumpkin Hunky Pussycat Hustling Puffball Hypertensive Pogo Hypocritic Puritan Hypothalamus Puncture Hysterical Purgative VMS: Verifiablely Maniacal System Viciously Mangled System Vogon Made System Vacuous; moreover, stupid. Vaxes mostly Suck.