If Operating Systems were ... TV's DOS This TV is inexpensive and black and white. You can watch 200 channels, but you have to turn the TV off when you want to change channels. You can only watch shows that last less than 64 minutes, 53 minutes if you want sound, 51 minutes if you have a clock display on the screen, and 47 minutes if you have a VCR. DOS with QEMM The TV is inexpensive and black and white. You still have to turn the TV off when you want to change channels, but you can now watch up to 4 hours of TV even with a VCR. Windows 3.1 The TV is inexpensive, but all the colors are out of the 60s. You can change channels easily, but the TV sometimes turns off unexpectedly. You can use it with your VCR, but only some VCRs and you can only record in MONO. OS/2 The TV is a little expensive. You have nice color and can change channels easily, but you only have a few channels in stereo. Most of your channels are colored like the 60s and some are black and white. You can only use 2 VCRs, but you can watch 25 channels at the same time and in stereo. Unfortunately the TV takes up the entire wall. System 7 This TV only has a small selection of channels, but they are the major channels. It installs itself, and has the easiest remote. Sometimes a bad channel will cause the TV to turn off, but it always apologizes and makes a nice sound when it comes back on. The TV is a little expensive, but it comes with stereo and a VCR. Windows NT 3.1 This TV is expensive. Although it is the first TV it is called 3.1 because it was made by the same people as the Windows 3.1 TV, and can show some of the same channels--only slower. Unlike OS/2 this TV does not take up the whole wall, it takes up the whole room. It requires you to prove who you are before allowing you to watch TV. You can set up additional TV's around the room which can share this TV's channels. Only a very few VCRs work with this TV and they only play, you cannot record. Chicago With this TV you do not have to worry about room space or expense because although people talk about it as if it exists, it doesn't. This makes this TV a perfect replacement for whatever you are using now, except you cannot get it now. This TV does everything, but is inexpensive and small. NeXTstep This TV is in its own world. It has a wide perspective tube for watching movies like in theatres. It has quadrophonic, and surround-sound. This TV is large, but not as expensive as the Windows NT TV. It shows many of the UNIX channels, and some other of its own channels in 3D! It is very easy to make shows for this TV. Taligent This TV comes in little pieces which can be mixed and matched by the purchaser to get the TV they want. It does not exist yet as a complete unit, but you can buy some of the pieces. It does not have a price, but it is expected to take up a large part of your living room--if not all of it. The designers explain that by the time you can buy this TV houses will be bigger, of course that is what the Windows NT people said too. Newton OS This is an itty-bittey TV for your suit pocket. It is easy to use, but it only gets a few channels. You add channels one at a time through a slot on the top. Unfortunately you can only have one channel in the slot at a time. If you want to use the VCR you need to put it into the slot, so you cannot use the VCR and a channel at the same time. However, you can connect it to your old TV. This TV is very friendly and an assistant will help you program the VCR. The designers of this TV have said that this is the first of a family of TV's, but haven't said more. This TV has been the butt of a lot of jokes from reporters who were unable to figure out how to set the time (because they failed to read the manual or listen to it try and help.) WorkPlace OS This is often confused as a TV, but it is actually a TV stand. You can put any of the TV's on top of this stand, but some of them are a little too heavy for it to be practical. This stand is not yet available, but the wood top and the roller wheels have been seen at trade shows. It will probably be expensive, but may not be very large on its own. GeoWorks This is a small black and white TV with some real nice transistors. It only gets a few channels, but it comes in a variety of boxes. It is inexpensive and has delusions of superiority. You can watch several shows at the same time. Amiga OS This is a lonely and bitter TV. It once looked like it would be the best TV ever, but the manufacturers thought it was a toaster. It has done well as a toaster and can play many of the same channels as the other TVs. People who own this TV tend to be very defensive and very vocal about it not being a toaster. It has stereo sound, and very nice color. It works with many VCRs, much to the surprise of the VCR producers who thought this TV was a toaster. It is good about not turning off in the middle of a show, and you can watch several shows at the same time.