WHAT THEY SAY:                          WHAT THEY MEAN:

PL/I is a very complete language.       Having learned all of PL/I,
                                        I'm damned if I'm going to learn
                                        another damn language.

I can do everything I need              I slept through that course in control
to do in Fortran.                       and data structures.

Ada provides an excellent basis for     I guess any standard is better than
implementing command and control        no standard at all.
systems for embedded applications.

Cobol satisfies all of our              The IBM salesman told me that Cobol
application programming requirements.   will satisfy all of our application
                                        programming requirements.

Since you can simulate a Universal      I'm not sure what a Universal Turing
Turing Machine in Fortran you can       Machine is but I'm betting that you
compute everything computable.          don't either.

At least an order of magnitude          Don't expect to do any real time
improvement will be achieved with       systems with the validated version
the optimize switch on.                 of the compiler.

Prolog is programming in logic.         Damned if I know.

BASIC programmers are brain-dead.       It's not MY fault I can't explain
                                        sophisticated programming concepts
                                        to those guys.

This program is written in standard     I've only tested it on my VAX.
FORTRAN 77 and should run on any 
machine.

Algol 68 is an ideal programming        Efficiency in implementation is of
language because it avoids arbitrary    no importance, because I deserve an
restrictions.                           unlimited allocation of computer time.
                                        Anything less would be an "arbitrary
                                        restriction".

Pascal is an excellent language for     I haven't been a first year student
first year students.                    for a long, long time.

Pascal is obsolete now that Niklaus     The usefulness of my programs is so
Wirth has defined the (whatever)        short-lived that I can afford to
language.                               switch languages every time Wirth
                                        defines a new one.

C is the best programming language      The only languages I have on my home
available.                              computer are Pascal, BASIC, and C.

C is great because you can distinguish  I never use arrays.
value arguments from reference
arguments just by looking at the
statement where the function is
invoked.

I can program my applications in APL    Writing readable programs would 
more conveniently than in anything      adversely affect my job security.
else.

The advantage of LISP is the fact       I haven't changed my philosophy of
that programs and data are equivalent.  programming since the 1960s and still
                                        think that self-modifying code is the
                                        greatest thing ever.

I don't know COBOL.                     I know enough to know I don't want to
                                        know more about it.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it!        I have NO idea how this code works.

Some programmers just don't know how    My machine has too small an address
to write efficient code.                space and/or runs too slow.

There's no real value to structured     I still don't know how to do
programming.                            structured programming.

What a stupid language!                 I really don't know how to use this
                                        language well.