COMPUTER COWS -- You buy two of last year's cows at a "discount" (ie. not
as wildly expensive as this year's cows, which have more teats and are
healthier, stronger, and likely to produce milk for many more years).  The
two as-yet-nonworking cows arrive with seventeen discs and a 200 page
manual. You spend four days booting up software, attempting to decipher
the instructions, calling an 800# number and waiting on hold for hours at
a time only to discover that your non-Microsoft barn is not compatible with
the cows you have purchased. You must install a door nine feet off the
ground on the left side of the barn, build a ramp leading up to the door
and down to the barn floor, purchase new Microsoft-approved dirt, and then
hire a 15 year-old computer programmer to figure out why your cows still
won't work.

FREUDIAN COWS -- You buy two cows because your mother stopped breastfeeding
you at 3 months and the traumatic disappearance of that glorious nipple
scarred you for life, which explains your two divorces, your miserable
career, and that 830 you scored on the SATs. You don't buy two bulls in
a healthy acting-out of a long-overdue rejection of your cold, unfeeling
father, an act encouraged and overseen by your $80 an hour psychiatrist
who, oddly enough, reminds you of your father. You don't really want to
"not-buy" the bulls, but you desperately need the psychiatrist's approval,
so you do it anyway.