A Puritan is someone who is deathly afraid that someone somewhere is having fun.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A feature is a bug with seniority.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A king's castle is his home.
A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
Aging is bad, but consider the alternative.
All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
Ambition a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Anarchy is better that no government at all.
Anonymous was a woman.
Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?
As you read the scroll, it vanishes...
Automobile - A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people.
BATCH - A group, kinda like a herd.
Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
Brain -- the apparatus with which we think that we think.
Bugs bugs everywhere, and not a fix in sight.
CLEARASOL - Effective sunspot remover.
Code so clean...you can eat off it.
Computer hackers do it all night long.
Computer modelers simulate it first.
Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit.
Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
Computers are not intelligent.  They only think they are.
Courage is your greatest present need.
Death is Nature's way of saying 'slow down'.
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
Death:  to stop sinning suddenly.
Debug is human, de-fix divine.
Do something unusual today.  Accomplish work on the computer.
Documentation is like sex: When it's good, it's fantastic, when it's bad...
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Don't get married.  Find a woman you hate and buy her a house.
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
Drive defensively -- buy a tank.
Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail friends.
Entropy isn't what it used to be.
Everybody ought to have a maid.
Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them use to reality.
Familiarity breeds children.
For every bug fixed, there is a bigger bug not yet discovered.
GAY ABANDON - Homosexual repellent perfume.
God didn't create the world in 7 days.  He pulled an all-nighter on the 6th.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
Gratitude is merely the secret hope of further favors.
Happiness is not a destination.  It's the trip.
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Help support helpless victims of computer error.
Herblock's Law: if it is good, they will stop making it.
History does not repeat itself, -- historians merely repeat each other.
I will defend to your death my right to my opinion.
I'd insult you, but you're not bright enough to notice.
I'm defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
If all men were brothers, would you let one marry your sister?
If you don't change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.
If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds.
In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it.
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Inferiority complex:  a conviction by a jury of your fears.
Is this bullshit or fertilizer?
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.  Albert Einstein
It works better if you plug it in.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
Jury -- Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
KODACLONE - duplicating film.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something else.
Life's a bitch, then you die.
Lynch's Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.
Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
Neurotic: Self-taut person.
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
Obscenity is whatever gives a judge an erection.
Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one I've never tried before.
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
People don't form relationships, they take hostages.
QUARKBAR - the candy with flavour and charm.
QUASIMOTO - 4 wheeled hard-top moped made in France.
Quoting one is plagiarism.  Quoting many is research.
Rage is a wind that blows out the candle of reason.
Reality's the only obstacle to happiness.
Roses are red, violets are blue; I'm schizophrenic and so am I.
SQWERTY - Computer keyboard sized down for use by children.
SYSTEM GOING DOWN AT 4:45 THIS AFTERNOON FOR DISK CRASHING.
Sarcasm: barbed ire.
Screw up your life, you've screwed everything else up.
Ships don't come in, they're built.
Silver's law:   If Murphy's law can go wrong it will.
Some grow with responsibility, others just swell.
Sometimes you get the elevator and sometimes you get the shaft.
System going down at 1:45 this afternoon for disk crashing.
TRAPEZOID - A device for catching zoids.
The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
The last Christian died on the cross.
The meek will inherit the earth ... in pine boxes six feet long by ...
The only corporate defense against rationality is bureaucracy.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
The road to to success is always under construction.
The world is coming to an end...  SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!!
There are two ways to write bug-free code; only the third way works.
They don't make nostalgia like they used to.
Those who can't write, write help files.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.
Today is a good day to bribe a high ranking public official.
Today is the last day of your life so far.
Wasting time is an important part of life.
What you see is rarely what you get.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
When in doubt, don't bother.
When in doubt, ignore it.
XMODEM - A spot-marking transfer protocol.
Xerox does it again and again and again and...
YTERM - A terminal program for queries.
You do not have mail.
You should go home.