You know you are getting old when:

Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals.

You feel like the night before and you haven't been anywhere.

Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D.

You get winded playing chess.

Your children begin to look middle-aged.

You finally reach the top of the company ladder and find it is
   leaning against the wrong wall.

You join the health club and don't have the energy to go.

You begin to outlive enthusiasm.

You decide to procrastinate but never get around to it.

You mind makes contracts your body can't meet.

A dripping faucet causes uncontrollable bladder urge.

You know all the answers but nobody asks you the questions.

You look forward to a dull evening.

You walk with your head held high trying to get used to your bifocals.

You favorite part of the newspaper is "Twenty-Five Years Ago Today."

You turn out the light for economic rather than romantic reasons.

You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.

Your knees buckle but your belt won't.

You regret all those temptations you resisted.

You're 17 around the neck, 44 around the waist and 105 around the gold
  course.

You stop looking forward to your next birthday.

After painting the town red, you have to take a long rest before applying
  a second coat.

Dialing long distance wears you out.

You are startled the first time someone calls you "Old Timer".

You remember today that yesterday was your wedding anniversary.

You just can't stand people who are intolerant.

The best part of your day is over when the alarm clock goes off.

You burn the midnight oil after 9:00 pm.

You back goes out more often than you do.

A fortune teller offers to read your face.

Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when you watch a pretty
  girl walk by.

The little old gray-haired lady you help across the street is your wife.

You get all your exercise being pall bearer for your friends who exercise.

You've got too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine
  cabinet.

You sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

When you have to find the right glasses to read this.