The Metro Times in the Detroit, MI area runs a competition for the best
"Personal Ad", and gives a $15 gift certificate to a local music store 
as the prize.  This one won in the latest issue and has been circulating
around our office:

  AD OF THE WEEK:

  I am black and a woman.  With children being slaughtered in Rowanda.  
  What difference does it make how big my breasts are, how long my legs 
  are, or how much money you or I make?  To hell with long walks, holding 
  hands, candle lit dinners, and all of that other crap that people never 
  continue doing after the first date anyway; that didn't even take place 
  in Cinderella (I've seen the movie).  If there is a man out there who: 
    isn't a crackhead or crack dealer,
    isn't an alcoholic, 
    doesn't have any kids, 
    doesn't smoke,
    doesn't beat women, 
    isn't wearing women's underwear as you're reading this ad, 
    isn't a liar, 
    isn't looking for fun behind his wife's back, 
    isn't into being hit, peed on, or tied up while having sex, 
    doesn't want to hit, pee on or tie me up while having sex, 
    likes having sex, 
    CAN have sex, 
    is not 
      in jail, 
      on probation, 
      has a court date pending, 
    isn't a 
      misogynist, 
      racist, 
      classist, 
      elitist, 
      lawyer, 
      politician, 
      member of the military, 
      policeman (Malice Green, Rodney King), 
      bible boy, or 
      a pompous ass.  
  What you have to be is HONEST, HONEST, HONEST!!!  If you're out there, 
  if you exist, call me.  Please don't make me give up on men.  Prefer 
  letters.

  <contact info>