THE TOP 10 SIGNS YOU'RE BEING STALKED BY MARTHA STEWART 10. Contents of your curbside recycling tub stolen and replaced with juice can pencil holders and milk carton flower vases. 9. You get a threatening note made up of letters cut out of a magazine with pinking shears, and they're all the same size, the same font, and precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows. 8. Size 6 Bruno Magli imprints on all your doilies. 7. You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon, rose petal & saffron demi-glace', with pecan-crusted hearts of palm and a delicate mint-fennel sauce. 6. The unmistakable aroma of potpourri follows you -- even after you leave the bathroom. 5. You discover that every napkin in the whole friggin' house has been folded into a swan. 4. No matter *where* you eat, your place setting always includes an oyster fork. 3. That telltale lemon slice in the dog's water bowl. 2. You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive stuffing in every orifice. ...and the Number 1 Sign You're Being Stalked by Martha Stewart... 1. You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your temple.