The Top 13 Reasons You're Having Trouble Finding a Job...

13) You list "smokin' weed" as a hobby on the job application.

12) Instead of shaking hands, you ask them to "pull your finger."

11) All your answers are whispered into your ear by your sock
    puppet, "Socky."

10) You're not willing to risk being  downsized since you're not
    so sure it really doesn't refer to your  penis.

9)  In your zealousness to pad, you claim 10 years of Java and
    15 years of HTML.

8)  After your interview tantrums, so-called "Equal Opportunity
    Employers" don't seem to be buying your "Tourette's Syndrome"
    excuse.

7)  "Slashed co-workers with a broken coffee mug" doesn't look
    as impressive on your resume as you thought it would.

6)  Even though Yanni sells all those records, there's no job
    market for "masters of the pan flute."

5)  Small-minded employers find "alien abductions" unacceptable
    explanation for gaps in work history.

4)  Too much time during your interview spent discussing your
    jihad, not enough on how you would perform as the new
    personnel counselor.

3)  You show up at each interview wearing an aluminum foil suit
    "just in case of enemy  attack."

2)  Apparently, the high-priced-gigolo-to-Daycare-worker
    transition is one of the tougher ones.

and the Number 1 Reason You're Having Trouble Finding a Job...

1)  Still busy looking for the real killers.